If I'm not taking care of myself then I cannot take care of others in the way I would like. Self-care means doing what is in my power to ensure I'm at my best as often as possible. It is about recognising, valuing and considering other people in my life while I carve out time that is only about me.
I guess there's a point in most relationships we stop discovering new things about eachother. Maybe other things, such as kids, take over or maybe interest wanes as we get used to being together. The good news is it’s never too late to rekindle it, all it takes is a little curiosity and willingness.
We started watching 'Tidying Up with Marie Kondo' on Netflix and were instantly hooked. Straight away I appreciated the lightness and inner spaciousness brought by starting a few simple first steps. It struck me how the process of physical decluttering had a transformative side-effect on the couples.
We recognised the need to approach this period of coronavirus consciously and to take steps to ensure we were taking care of our relationship.We decided to establish routines and practices to organise time and space. I would like to share what we established and maybe you find something useful here.
One of the seductive qualities about falling in love is the story is still there to be written, the journey is yet to be travelled. You have no past together, only have a potential future. You can be anyone, do anything and you are perfect in your lover’s eyes and as such become perfect in your own.
One set of choices is looking for improvements in my partner to bring us closer to couple nirvana. Some may be character faults where I set myself as judge and educator to mould her into a vision I have of perfection. Or small things where she doesn’t adhere to my standards or ways of doing things.
A reasonable assumption is the time you want to spend together is a reflection on how important your intimate relationship is compared to the other things in your life demanding your time. If you are upset that your partner wants to spend less time together than you do, it is probably time to talk.
This week something a little different. Recently I made a Zoom interview with Alex Moldovan, entrepreneur, friend and an NVC trainer from Cluj-Napoca in North West Romania. I've known Alex a couple of years and always enjoyed how he relates to his wife and daughter. So I was curious to find out more.
'No' can be one of the hardest words to say and to hear in an intimate relationship and I often hesitate because I'm worried about damaging our connection especially when it comes from a less-than-loving energy. Yet when used consciously 'No' can be one of the most important words in a relationship.
I wonder if most couples can trace their relationship back to a fleeting second of eye contact, when you saw the other with all barriers dropped. There is no hiding when someone looks deeply into your soul through the window of the eyes and transports us to a place where we can connect beyond words.