Relationship can brings up fears, often hidden as background noise. These fears often interact with the fears of our loved one and set up dynamics between you, One of these dynamics is the interplay between the fear of losing the relationship and the fear of losing ourselves within the relationship.
Just because we decided to be together does not mean that we agree to complete submission to each-others’ needs. There are times when I choose to do my own thing. Times when I’m away from home for long or short periods. With kids around there are often times when their needs are much more pressing.
By choosing whether to focus on what you dislike or what you like, you create your own experience and attitude towards your partner. Life looks quite different when you focus on what you like rather than what you don't. Your partner hasn’t changed, only your focus and this is something you choose.
I recognise Love is an essential quality of being human – a Need. It is maybe even the most powerful driver and source of life energy available to us all. Some needs (food, air etc.) are necessary for mere survival. When we allow Love into our life we thrive, we grow and we can achieve so much more.
Love is more than a feeling. It is something we express or manifest through our words and actions. One way I like to picture it is as a flow of giving and receiving without any start or end. Like an infinity loop where there is no beginning and the giving and the receiving merge and love just flows.
Generally, I know my loved ones have positive intentions towards me. This means they usually do not go out of their way to make my life miserable. Usually. So why would they ever do it? I vhoose to believe my loved one is trying to say ‘LOVE ME’ just in a way that makes it unlikely I will hear that.
There is no universal model of a great relationship as we are all different. We all build our own marriages, families and lives and no two couples are the same. There is no single answer to this important question. Here is a compilation of some of their answers – and I added a few of my own thrown.
This week a poem. About Forgiveness. It is a poem that touches me deeply and captures exactly how I want to see forgiveness in the world. A way of forgiving that is beyond the beliefs of retribution, punishment and suffering we inflict on others. Forgiveness is something we do for ourselves. No more.
Many people I talked to have told me what a difficult time 2020 has been. However there have also been good things amongst the bad. I want to hold life and my relationship as something overall beautiful, bright, joyful and precious - within which are sometimes dark spots and challenges to deal with.
This is the second in a series of interviews of people I really admire to get some insights into how to balance relationships and parenting. This week an interview with a dear friend and colleague, Robert Kržišnik, author and NVC trainer from Slovenia who currently lives in an eco-village in Israel.