I have two questions for you as a little experiment.

Task 1. Make a list of all the things you dislike about your partner.

You can take as long as you like and as you do so, notice what happens. How do your feelings about your partner change as the list grows? What thoughts about your partner do you have as you make your list?

If you were to leave it here, then I predict you will start to notice more and things you don’t like. You may start to think about things you want to try to change in your partner. Maybe even start to wonder if you made a good choice in being together.

Task 2. Make a list of the things you like about your partner.

Now what happens to your feelings and your mood? What thoughts do you have?

And now maybe you will start to look for new things to appreciate, things you hadn’t noticed before. Your choice about being together, perhaps does not seem such a bad one now?

By choosing what to focus on, you create your own experience and attitude towards your partner. Life looks quite different when you focus on what you like rather than what you dislike. Your partner hasn’t changed, only your focus.

Both lists are true in that there are things you enjoy about your partner and things you don’t enjoy.

Which focus creates an enjoyable and fulfilling life together?


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The Connection Kit is a practical and fun way to bring you closer as a couple. Currently available in English, German and Romanian.